what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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