Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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