oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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