If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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