he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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