I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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