Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wear drunk well.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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