I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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