guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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