just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize