if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize