I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
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so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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