You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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