I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
