party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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