You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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