Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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