Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize