I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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