I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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