smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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