Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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