Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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