I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize