I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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