You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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