i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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