dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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