The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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