forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thus making me awesome and them whores
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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