Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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