the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize