theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize