I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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