Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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it was like a congratulatory penis slap
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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