You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize