We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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