I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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