The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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