im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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