omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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