marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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