Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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