I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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