Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize