Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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