The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize