Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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