So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i jhust puked up my retainher.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize