I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do herpes really smell.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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