How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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