You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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